I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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