You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
