why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
