I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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