Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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