the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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