Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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