Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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