Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
