At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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