it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
