Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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