My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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