Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
