do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
