spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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