I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
