I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
