I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
