I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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