my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
