3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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