My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
