what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
