Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
