Umm I'm too high to move.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
