Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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