C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
