Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
