omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
