You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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