Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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