No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
