He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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