I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
