Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
