it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
