If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
