oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
