I'm drive I can fine osifer
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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