Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
