It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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