I will die if light touches me.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
