I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
