After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
