i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
