he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
