I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
