I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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