My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
