I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
