whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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