Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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