Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
