The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
