Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize