I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
