I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
