dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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