Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She is in my trunk
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
