every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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