At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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