Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
