hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize