Someone shit on the floor
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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