you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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