why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
