I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize