please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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