I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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