You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
