You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
