Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
