He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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