We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
