i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
