I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
