I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
